None. I thought I did, but no. Remember that post a few weeks ago that was loaded with optimism about getting back in shape? Ha. I’m laughing at myself to keep from crying at how weak I am. I guess I wasn’t prepared to actually resist temptation because I’ve never had to think about my weight before, let alone watch what I ate. But I do now. And I failed.
Everything was going really well at first. I went a whole seven days without so much as a bite of a cookie. I felt great. I was eating healthy again, I felt like I had more energy, and when I woke up I didn’t feel like I had been hit by a truck in my sleep.
Then I had a bad day. I mean, one of those terrible days where nothing seems to go right. My husband (who had no idea the hell he was about to unleash) decided to surprise me with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Peanut Butter Cup ice cream to cheer me up. OMG! First I totally flipped out on him, yelling things like “why would you bring that here?” and “do you really want to torture me” and even “it’s your fault it I end up 300 pounds”. Then I scarfed down the whole container.
I was so upset. My poor husband just wanted to make me feel better, and instead he got yelled at by a crazy hungry monsterous version of me.
After that it was all down hill. The next day I saw some cupcakes in the store that I had to have. And when someone brought me a cheesecake? I ate that too. I couldn’t say no. It is like that whole week of doing good never happened. I still mean to hit my goal, but I have to rework my plan because I realize that I might not have been going about this the right way. It’s not about total avoidance, because then I’ll freak out every time I see something I can’t have. It’s about learning how to resist the bad food around me. If I can look at it every day and say no, even when It would be so easy just to grab a spoon and dig in, then I’ll be on the right path.
